As predicted, it's snowing and blowing and drifting today. Supposed to last all day too. Guess the weekly grocery shopping will have to wait for another day - like tomorrow perhaps. For today it will be one of those wintry days that necessitates being home bound. But...perhaps it's a good day to stay in anyway.
Thursday evening I wasn't feeling well and, after a trip to the ER, I found myself admitted to the hospital over night with a barrage of tests ordered. Needless to say it was a pretty sleep-deprived night there with blood tests occurring periodically throughout the night. All the tests came back with good results (whew!) and the cause of my physical distress turned out to be the need for an adjustment of one of the prescription meds I take. I was able to come back home yesterday afternoon and got a whole lot of rest and sleep since then.
My trip to Florida is still on. I'll be leaving here on Tuesday and am more than ready for some of that warm, snow-free Florida weather and the good company of my friend.
9:20 pm: The snow is coming to an end...finally. We racked up at least 8 inches and with the 20+ mph winds it's really blowing around and drifting. Such winter fun...huh?
21 February 2009
12 February 2009
Time...Resolve...Plans...
Time:
At the end of the day I often wonder where the day went and just what it is that I've actually accomplished, because by outward appearances it often appears to be little or nothing. And yet, my days are pretty full (even though I'm not employed for pay outside the home at present).
So...what fills a "typical" day? Depends on the day. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (and sometimes more) are my visiting dear Auntie in the nursing home days. I combine these days with running errands, other appointments and the weekly grocery shopping. Since we don't live in town, it's most often a pretty full day away from home. Tuesdays I work on my other blog in the morning and try to get about half of the housework done. It's also a day for phone calls - the necessary ones to check on this, that, and other important things. Thursdays are for the other "half" of housework - like today I'll be engaged in the dreaded task of cleaning out the largest of closets in our house. Most late afternoons are cooking time - now that I'm not employed (for pay) I have the time to prepare "decent" meals for a change. Today I'm going to try out a new soup recipe. Gosh, I'm actually enjoying cooking again! Evenings are reserved for Dan and watching some of those favorite TV shows. Weekends are up for grabs but this is the most space I have for me - to read, ponder, dream, work on stained glass projects from time to time and reconnect with myself. Of course, every other weekend (as a rule) grandson Simon comes over Saturday afternoon through Sunday evening - spending time with him is such a joy.
Resolve:
Last night I discovered my sister began a new blog on her weight loss journey. And...my inspiration was renewed. After going back faithfully to South Beach, I was discouraged with the results this time around. So I've resolved to work on increasing whole grains and using the treadmill more (until warm spring weather comes and I can comfortably and safely do my walking outside). Strenuous exercise isn't really an option for me considering how hard it is on my rheumatoid arthritic joints, so walking is the best and most painless option I've found. I have long been drinking lots of water each day but I really like my sister's goal for the week to not eat anything beyond 7:00 pm, or two hours before bedtime - I can live with that, and have decided to be more conscious of including more whole grains daily. So here we go...
Plans:
Life may change in a significant way around our house within the next month. Dear Auntie is not doing well in the nursing home. Just yesterday she complained to me, for the first time, about the lack of care she is receiving from the staff. And she told me she has been noticing that other residents are not being attended to in a timely manner when they call for help. She spends most of her time just staring at the walls with little or no social contact (except for Dan's an my visits and a very occasional visit from one or two other people). Her outlook and morale have declined significantly over the past month (and she's only been there a month, which she says feels like 4 months). I have to ask: Is this any sort of quality of life? And I have to answer, "No, not for a person who has all her mental capacities intact". So...how might life here change for us? Well, after considerable conversation between Dan and me and a whole lot of discernment and inquiries to heath care professionals, Auntie may be coming here to live with us. Dan will speak to her about it tonight. We both realize this will be a lifestyle change for us but view this possibility as our opportunity to return the kindness and generosity she has shown and given to us for so many years and by offering her a much better quality of life and the chance to be around people so much more than she now is experiencing.
In 12 days I'll be heading to Florida to visit with my friend for a week. Time there will renew my spirit, as usual, and give us the opportunity to reconnect in person. We do email each other every day. Besides, I could use some of that 80 degree daytime weather they're having right now.
I'm also finishing up on the two online education certificate programs I've been enrolled in for the past couple of years. One will be finished in April and the other mid May. Time will tell where all that may lead me. I've been dabbling with the idea of officially running a home-based consulting type of business - but that's just in the dreaming/pondering stage at present.
Gosh, I would say life is pretty full and very rich!
At the end of the day I often wonder where the day went and just what it is that I've actually accomplished, because by outward appearances it often appears to be little or nothing. And yet, my days are pretty full (even though I'm not employed for pay outside the home at present).
So...what fills a "typical" day? Depends on the day. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (and sometimes more) are my visiting dear Auntie in the nursing home days. I combine these days with running errands, other appointments and the weekly grocery shopping. Since we don't live in town, it's most often a pretty full day away from home. Tuesdays I work on my other blog in the morning and try to get about half of the housework done. It's also a day for phone calls - the necessary ones to check on this, that, and other important things. Thursdays are for the other "half" of housework - like today I'll be engaged in the dreaded task of cleaning out the largest of closets in our house. Most late afternoons are cooking time - now that I'm not employed (for pay) I have the time to prepare "decent" meals for a change. Today I'm going to try out a new soup recipe. Gosh, I'm actually enjoying cooking again! Evenings are reserved for Dan and watching some of those favorite TV shows. Weekends are up for grabs but this is the most space I have for me - to read, ponder, dream, work on stained glass projects from time to time and reconnect with myself. Of course, every other weekend (as a rule) grandson Simon comes over Saturday afternoon through Sunday evening - spending time with him is such a joy.
Resolve:
Last night I discovered my sister began a new blog on her weight loss journey. And...my inspiration was renewed. After going back faithfully to South Beach, I was discouraged with the results this time around. So I've resolved to work on increasing whole grains and using the treadmill more (until warm spring weather comes and I can comfortably and safely do my walking outside). Strenuous exercise isn't really an option for me considering how hard it is on my rheumatoid arthritic joints, so walking is the best and most painless option I've found. I have long been drinking lots of water each day but I really like my sister's goal for the week to not eat anything beyond 7:00 pm, or two hours before bedtime - I can live with that, and have decided to be more conscious of including more whole grains daily. So here we go...
Plans:
Life may change in a significant way around our house within the next month. Dear Auntie is not doing well in the nursing home. Just yesterday she complained to me, for the first time, about the lack of care she is receiving from the staff. And she told me she has been noticing that other residents are not being attended to in a timely manner when they call for help. She spends most of her time just staring at the walls with little or no social contact (except for Dan's an my visits and a very occasional visit from one or two other people). Her outlook and morale have declined significantly over the past month (and she's only been there a month, which she says feels like 4 months). I have to ask: Is this any sort of quality of life? And I have to answer, "No, not for a person who has all her mental capacities intact". So...how might life here change for us? Well, after considerable conversation between Dan and me and a whole lot of discernment and inquiries to heath care professionals, Auntie may be coming here to live with us. Dan will speak to her about it tonight. We both realize this will be a lifestyle change for us but view this possibility as our opportunity to return the kindness and generosity she has shown and given to us for so many years and by offering her a much better quality of life and the chance to be around people so much more than she now is experiencing.
In 12 days I'll be heading to Florida to visit with my friend for a week. Time there will renew my spirit, as usual, and give us the opportunity to reconnect in person. We do email each other every day. Besides, I could use some of that 80 degree daytime weather they're having right now.
I'm also finishing up on the two online education certificate programs I've been enrolled in for the past couple of years. One will be finished in April and the other mid May. Time will tell where all that may lead me. I've been dabbling with the idea of officially running a home-based consulting type of business - but that's just in the dreaming/pondering stage at present.
Gosh, I would say life is pretty full and very rich!
27 January 2009
New Addition!
It was a bitter cold weekend here again. Temps were below zero during the day and well below zero during the night. The wood furnace got a good work out indeed and kept the house nice and toasty. There's nothing like wood heat and...the best perk are the warm floors, allowing me to run around barefoot if I feel like it.
Dan and I braved the bitter cold Sundy afternoon and headed to Lowe's to purchase a new vacuum cleaner since the old one was definitely not doing it's job any longer. It was a case
of "you get what you pay for", being a rather inexpensive model. This time I chose an Electrolux Versatility upright. Never had one of that brand before but have used an older model elsewhere and was always impressed with it's cleaning power. Besides...I liked the colors - a lime green accented grey. It works great! No problem getting under the low tables in the living room without having to move them any longer. What a treat that is! And it's so easy and convenient to use. Definitely a 5 star item. Almost hard to fathom I'd get so excited about a vacuum... I took the picture in the little sitting/reading corner we made near the patio doors.

18 January 2009
Project Done

Today we worked on rearranging some furniture. Dan and I moved the old computer cabinet into the basement - it will make a great storage cabinet for stained glass supplies! Then, of course, I had to mop the floor. When finished, I moved one of the recliners into the dining area and put a 6X8 carpet in place. Since for the most part it's just the two of us here, I wanted an area near the patio doors to just be able to sit and relax, read, and/or watch TV. "Down-sizing" our dining table gave me the room I wanted. Then I rearranged some of the living room furniture too. Our small home looks a lot more spacious now.
15 January 2009
A Work in Progress
With sub-zero temperatures today and wind chill temps at 40 to 45 below zero, I hunkered down and stayed home. This gave me some long overdue time to do some lau
ndry (yuk) and work on stained glass. About two weeks ago I traced the pattern for this piece onto the glass but then found myself way too busy to continue working on it. This afternoon I cut and ground the 24 pieces of glass. The next step is to wrap each piece with copper foil and then solder the whole thing together, adding a zinc border along the way. The eye of the fish will be made using either solder or paint - I haven't decided which yet. When finished, this piece will be given as a gift.

13 January 2009
The "New Adventure" Began...
I sit here this morning knowing that this will be another very full day, as have been the past 6 days, but in a different way. I wrote in the last post about being ready for a new adventure and I have been provided one - and as typical, not in the way I expected. The Eternal Wise One continually surprises me with twists and turns. And in the end I am grateful.
A little history first: Dan's aunt Peggy is a frail, tiny (79 pounds dripping wet) never married woman who has had multiple health problems over the past couple of years. Three years ago she decided she could no longer live in her rural farm home by herself - she and her bachelor brother had kept up the Korinek family homestead for their whole lives (uncle Vic died a little over 4 years ago). Anyway, aunt Peggy decided to sell the farm and take up residence at an assisted living facility. She did well there until her health started giving her problems among which were multiple ulcers (eventually diagnosed and treated). Then the not so fun time followed quickly.
With her having very severe osteoporosis, she sustained a fall two years ago and broke BOTH shoulders! The very day she was released from the rehab unit, all healed, she fell again and sustained a compression fracture of one of the vertebra in her low back. Now, this is a stubborn woman we're talking about and after various treatments that didn't work, she finally agreed to see an orthopedic surgeon. He was new in town and very skilled at a procedure called a kyphoplasty - a relatively safe surgical procedure that decompressed the fracture and inserts bone cement to hold the vertebra in close to normal position, thereby relieving the back pain. Right up to the the moment the nurses took her into the operating room, aunt Peggy was still convinced having this done would not help her severe pain. To our delight and her surprise, that evening she was pain-free and very mobile again. Three months later another compression fracture occurred and we were back again for another successful kyphoplasty.
Over the course of the past year, there were some other, turned out a few but not all, lesser medical dilemmas but ones that still kept me arranging for appointments and running her to doctors and exams quite often. Now, you may wonder...if this is Dan's aunt, why was I the one attending to her? Simple answer: We had long developed a wonderful relationship, eventually I became the only one here whose advice she valued on these health matters and she had named me as her durable power of attorney for health care. She has ALWAYS been very good to both Dan and me and ALWAYS so very grateful for anything and everything we have done for her and with her for the 20 years I have known her and all the years Dan has known her.
Okay, back to the story: Early last fall, you guessed it, another compression fracture and another kyphoplasty. This event was complicated at bit. Though the back procedure was again a huge success, about a week prior to the surgery she became severely dehydrated which necessitated hospitalization for a few days. But the kyphoplasty was able to be done on schedule. And this time when she was released from the hospital, she was transferred to a rehab unit to regain her strength through some physical therapy. While in rehab, she developed abdominal pain. So...back to the emergency room and another admission to the hospital - this time to treat an impending bowel obstruction. After three days she was back at the rehab unit until released back to her apartment at assisted living on Christmas Eve. At that time she was up, walking pain-free with her walker and feeling quite good, until...three days later. You guessed it, severe back pain again. After an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon and another impending MRI, she got to the point that the pain was so severe I took her to the ER again, and she was admitted again. The MRI was done and...she had TWO new compression fractures! Kyphoplasty was done the following day and they were once again successful. So...back to her apartment she went.
All was well until I got a call from the facility's nurse on January 6th. You guessed it again - severe low back pain. I phoned the doctor, had an MRI scheduled for January 8th and stopped in to see aunt Peggy both on the 6th and again on the 7th. When I got there on the 7th, I found her pain to be so severe that she had not been able to even move in bed and had not been eating. Up until Jan. 6th, she had been up and around by herself and going to eat in the main dining room. Well, it was back to the ER again in a wink. They were able to do the MRI almost immediately and gave her some pain medication, which made her sick to her stomach and caused her to vomit. That turned out to be a blessing in disguise so to speak because after testing that, they found she was bleeding somewhere in her intestinal tract. And she was admitted to the hospital.
During the course of this most recent hospitalization the doctors found multiple esophageal ulcers. The MRI of her back showed ALL previously untreated vertebra were fractured and other problems none of which could be treated either surgically or with therapy. For this once very recently independently mobile little lady, her future fate was sealed. She would be bed-ridden for the duration of her life. The ulcers were being treated with IV then oral medications with success (so far), and she had to receive a blood transfusion to boost up her blood count, but decisions ultimately had to be made. To make this very long story a bit shorter, yesterday she was admitted to a nursing home - this will be a permanent living situation for her this time. Through the course of each hospitalization I spent many hours each day with her and kept in close contact with her doctors. Aunt Peggy ultimately made the decision to go to the nursing home - she is after all of sound mind and very capable of making those decisions...IF she has good and complete information (that's where I come in - as her advocate). I'm not saying this to in any way boast; I'm saying it because it's the way it has been and still is.
Throughout every medical and surgical dilemma aunt Peggy faced, Dan and I have been very attentive to keep other extended family up to date on what was going on and what was being done to help her.
Today will be another very full day attending to transporting many of aunt Peggy's personal belongings from her apartment to the nursing home, and then sitting with her for a time. In her mind, her fate is sealed: once permanently in a nursing home she feels she is now in the proverbial situation of having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. She cannot even move in bed without severe pain and is stuck there for the duration. She is refusing to eat much - but I for some reason have been able to coax her to at least eat a little soup from time to time. Don't know how long she'll agree to even that. Aunt Peggy welcomed me with open arms into her life 20 years ago and into her life decisions over the past 5 years even with my "warts" and all. She has NEVER judged me in any matter and I am so very grateful for her trust in and genuine love for me - a love that is returned to her in great appreciation and abundance.
A little history first: Dan's aunt Peggy is a frail, tiny (79 pounds dripping wet) never married woman who has had multiple health problems over the past couple of years. Three years ago she decided she could no longer live in her rural farm home by herself - she and her bachelor brother had kept up the Korinek family homestead for their whole lives (uncle Vic died a little over 4 years ago). Anyway, aunt Peggy decided to sell the farm and take up residence at an assisted living facility. She did well there until her health started giving her problems among which were multiple ulcers (eventually diagnosed and treated). Then the not so fun time followed quickly.
With her having very severe osteoporosis, she sustained a fall two years ago and broke BOTH shoulders! The very day she was released from the rehab unit, all healed, she fell again and sustained a compression fracture of one of the vertebra in her low back. Now, this is a stubborn woman we're talking about and after various treatments that didn't work, she finally agreed to see an orthopedic surgeon. He was new in town and very skilled at a procedure called a kyphoplasty - a relatively safe surgical procedure that decompressed the fracture and inserts bone cement to hold the vertebra in close to normal position, thereby relieving the back pain. Right up to the the moment the nurses took her into the operating room, aunt Peggy was still convinced having this done would not help her severe pain. To our delight and her surprise, that evening she was pain-free and very mobile again. Three months later another compression fracture occurred and we were back again for another successful kyphoplasty.
Over the course of the past year, there were some other, turned out a few but not all, lesser medical dilemmas but ones that still kept me arranging for appointments and running her to doctors and exams quite often. Now, you may wonder...if this is Dan's aunt, why was I the one attending to her? Simple answer: We had long developed a wonderful relationship, eventually I became the only one here whose advice she valued on these health matters and she had named me as her durable power of attorney for health care. She has ALWAYS been very good to both Dan and me and ALWAYS so very grateful for anything and everything we have done for her and with her for the 20 years I have known her and all the years Dan has known her.
Okay, back to the story: Early last fall, you guessed it, another compression fracture and another kyphoplasty. This event was complicated at bit. Though the back procedure was again a huge success, about a week prior to the surgery she became severely dehydrated which necessitated hospitalization for a few days. But the kyphoplasty was able to be done on schedule. And this time when she was released from the hospital, she was transferred to a rehab unit to regain her strength through some physical therapy. While in rehab, she developed abdominal pain. So...back to the emergency room and another admission to the hospital - this time to treat an impending bowel obstruction. After three days she was back at the rehab unit until released back to her apartment at assisted living on Christmas Eve. At that time she was up, walking pain-free with her walker and feeling quite good, until...three days later. You guessed it, severe back pain again. After an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon and another impending MRI, she got to the point that the pain was so severe I took her to the ER again, and she was admitted again. The MRI was done and...she had TWO new compression fractures! Kyphoplasty was done the following day and they were once again successful. So...back to her apartment she went.
All was well until I got a call from the facility's nurse on January 6th. You guessed it again - severe low back pain. I phoned the doctor, had an MRI scheduled for January 8th and stopped in to see aunt Peggy both on the 6th and again on the 7th. When I got there on the 7th, I found her pain to be so severe that she had not been able to even move in bed and had not been eating. Up until Jan. 6th, she had been up and around by herself and going to eat in the main dining room. Well, it was back to the ER again in a wink. They were able to do the MRI almost immediately and gave her some pain medication, which made her sick to her stomach and caused her to vomit. That turned out to be a blessing in disguise so to speak because after testing that, they found she was bleeding somewhere in her intestinal tract. And she was admitted to the hospital.
During the course of this most recent hospitalization the doctors found multiple esophageal ulcers. The MRI of her back showed ALL previously untreated vertebra were fractured and other problems none of which could be treated either surgically or with therapy. For this once very recently independently mobile little lady, her future fate was sealed. She would be bed-ridden for the duration of her life. The ulcers were being treated with IV then oral medications with success (so far), and she had to receive a blood transfusion to boost up her blood count, but decisions ultimately had to be made. To make this very long story a bit shorter, yesterday she was admitted to a nursing home - this will be a permanent living situation for her this time. Through the course of each hospitalization I spent many hours each day with her and kept in close contact with her doctors. Aunt Peggy ultimately made the decision to go to the nursing home - she is after all of sound mind and very capable of making those decisions...IF she has good and complete information (that's where I come in - as her advocate). I'm not saying this to in any way boast; I'm saying it because it's the way it has been and still is.
Throughout every medical and surgical dilemma aunt Peggy faced, Dan and I have been very attentive to keep other extended family up to date on what was going on and what was being done to help her.
Today will be another very full day attending to transporting many of aunt Peggy's personal belongings from her apartment to the nursing home, and then sitting with her for a time. In her mind, her fate is sealed: once permanently in a nursing home she feels she is now in the proverbial situation of having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. She cannot even move in bed without severe pain and is stuck there for the duration. She is refusing to eat much - but I for some reason have been able to coax her to at least eat a little soup from time to time. Don't know how long she'll agree to even that. Aunt Peggy welcomed me with open arms into her life 20 years ago and into her life decisions over the past 5 years even with my "warts" and all. She has NEVER judged me in any matter and I am so very grateful for her trust in and genuine love for me - a love that is returned to her in great appreciation and abundance.
05 January 2009
A New Year
As I was driving Simon home after spending the weekend with us, he told me that he thinks this year is going to be a fun year. We talked about his upcoming class trip to the State Capital in Madison - he is very excited to go and last fall his class was learning all about the State. Of course, he had to tell me all about the things he learned. Gosh, I didn't know we had a State Insect!!! And if I would have guessed, I would have guessed it is the mosquito. Wrong! It's the honey bee. Anyway, I've been pondering Simon's declaration that this will be a fun year and how anticipation is such a good thing in the eyes of a child.
I sit here today knowing that an important piece of my life has changed. I am no longer employed in ministry at our parish - a place where I have been privileged to walk with a great many people through the sorrows and joys of their lives for ten years. My last day was Dec. 31st and it was a bittersweet day - one where I was relieved to leave behind all that frustrated me and all that took me away from being fully present to Dan due to meetings and often weekend commitments. And yet, it was sad and really hard to leave the office that day and leave my keys behind knowing that I will no longer be working with some very wonderful other women on staff and no longer officially engaging in the work and ministry I have loved for so long. It's the people I will miss most of all. I have no job prospects nor any idea of what I will do in the job area next. And yet, that is not a pressing issue for now. Maybe this is so because this is all too new; too fresh. Or maybe it's because there is so much to do around the house. And I think a piece of it is because I have had virtually no time to work on crafting stained glass for way too many months - a hobby I thoroughly enjoy. But I knew it was time - time to leave. What I do know is that I need to take time to wait and ponder and listen to the voice within my heart to discern what the next adventure will be. And I do believe I am quite ready for a new adventure with all the excitement and joy it will bring...whatever that new adventure will be. In that respect, Simon is right: this is going to be a fun year.
I sit here today knowing that an important piece of my life has changed. I am no longer employed in ministry at our parish - a place where I have been privileged to walk with a great many people through the sorrows and joys of their lives for ten years. My last day was Dec. 31st and it was a bittersweet day - one where I was relieved to leave behind all that frustrated me and all that took me away from being fully present to Dan due to meetings and often weekend commitments. And yet, it was sad and really hard to leave the office that day and leave my keys behind knowing that I will no longer be working with some very wonderful other women on staff and no longer officially engaging in the work and ministry I have loved for so long. It's the people I will miss most of all. I have no job prospects nor any idea of what I will do in the job area next. And yet, that is not a pressing issue for now. Maybe this is so because this is all too new; too fresh. Or maybe it's because there is so much to do around the house. And I think a piece of it is because I have had virtually no time to work on crafting stained glass for way too many months - a hobby I thoroughly enjoy. But I knew it was time - time to leave. What I do know is that I need to take time to wait and ponder and listen to the voice within my heart to discern what the next adventure will be. And I do believe I am quite ready for a new adventure with all the excitement and joy it will bring...whatever that new adventure will be. In that respect, Simon is right: this is going to be a fun year.
28 November 2008
November Update
Sure has been a while since I've posted...again. But it's been even longer since I have worked on any stained glass. After a very long hiatus, I started and finished a purple tulip piece last Wednesday - it's in the slide show below. It's the first piece I've done since July!
This has been a rather trying month. Dan's 86-year old aunt Peggy sustained another compression fracture and after three weeks of doctor appointments and a hospitalization for dehydration, she had a kyphoplasty (a surgical procedure to decompress the fractured vertebra, and this is the second time she's had this done - on two other vertebrae). It was a huge success, as was the first one. The time commitment on my part was great - tending to getting her to appointments and such, which I didn't mind at all. My arthritis has been acting up a lot for quite some time now causing increased joint pain probably due in part to the change in seasons and in part to stress. And work has been...shall we say challenging? Not the right word, but... Anyway, last week I handed in my resignation, effective Dec. 31st. I have no clue as to what I'm going to do next, but I'm confident something will turn up. Most important for now, I could really use some down time - time to watch and wait, time to ponder and reflect - time that has not been available for way too long.
This has been a rather trying month. Dan's 86-year old aunt Peggy sustained another compression fracture and after three weeks of doctor appointments and a hospitalization for dehydration, she had a kyphoplasty (a surgical procedure to decompress the fractured vertebra, and this is the second time she's had this done - on two other vertebrae). It was a huge success, as was the first one. The time commitment on my part was great - tending to getting her to appointments and such, which I didn't mind at all. My arthritis has been acting up a lot for quite some time now causing increased joint pain probably due in part to the change in seasons and in part to stress. And work has been...shall we say challenging? Not the right word, but... Anyway, last week I handed in my resignation, effective Dec. 31st. I have no clue as to what I'm going to do next, but I'm confident something will turn up. Most important for now, I could really use some down time - time to watch and wait, time to ponder and reflect - time that has not been available for way too long.
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